How to start your own Munch
by Count Boogie and Perverted Podcast
Not every city, town or village is lucky enough to have an open BDSM/Kink play facility with
regular play parties and classes.
At least not yet.
So until that time we must do what we can to help create a place that kinky people can meet, get educated and hopefully find someone to consensually connect and play with.
The first step in building a community where there is none is to host a munch.
What hell is a munch?
Simply put, a munch is sharing a meal, tea or desert at a specific place with a group of kinky people.
Usually held at a restaurant, coffee house or pub.
A munch is casual atmosphere and meant for someone to get to know like minded people in a non threatening environment.
People who are new to the kink lifestyle feel much safer going to a public munch before wandering into a strangers home or a dungeon for a BDSM play party.
Conversations at a munch can be about the lifestyle, kink and BDSM related topics, but they are also filled with jokes,
movies, music and other light hearted topics.
The intention is getting to know people away from the pressure to play or
defend yourself from unwanted sexual advances.
There is no play and no sexually acting out at a munch.
That's why it's called a munch and not a play party...:)
We have seen and heard countless positive stories about people discovering the BDSM lifestyle by starting at a munch.
It is so important for kinky people just to be able to talk to other kinky people without being judged, or shamed for being who they are.
Even if your just talking about movies or stupid stuff, it is still wonderful to know you are
talking to someone who gets you.
The best part is that starting a munch is it's actually pretty easy, and other than the money you spend to buy yourself food and a little gas, it doesn't really cost anything.
So now it's up to YOU.
You can be the person that just says " Fuck it...I can do this!"
Let's start a munch! Don't wait for someone else to do it...they won't. Live the dream and
face your fears to touch the sky.
We'll show you how!
The worst that can happen is it doesn't work.
The best that can happen is you change lives including your own with positive relationships with kinky people.
This is our point of view based on our experience and the experience of many others that have ran or
currently run munches around the world.
It is not law or the only way to have a munch.
Hopefully our opinions will inspire you to have a great munch and give people in your local area a chance
to connect and communicate with like minded people.
NOTE: We are going to write this information with the point of view that you are starting a munch that
has a goal of helping people who are curious about or new to the lifestyle as well as those that have
been in the lifestyle for years.
A lot of this is going to be how to avoid problems that have all come up during actual munches, so it's not all gloom
and doom but we want you to be aware of what you are getting into so you can not be caught off guard and have a plan
What you need.
* A host
The host organizes and runs either alone or with a team of people that can attend a monthly munch.
A host is someone who can hold a conversation and be interested in other people's lives.
A host has the comfort, safety and enjoyment of people who attend the munch as his/her priority.
* A date and time
Pick a monthly date that works for the leaders of the munch:
This works best if it's a certain day on a certain every month e.g. " Every 3rd Wednesday" or "Every 4th Sunday"
That way people will always be able to figure out when your munch is as opposed to a changing number.
If you are going to have a munch prior to a play party or private play party that is great to do on weekends where people have more time.
Also many groups demand that you go to a munch prior to being invited to someone's house/party
Some even make it a certain number of munches you have to attend before being allowed to the party.
This gives you time to get to know someone and see if they are going to be a respectful party goer ,
or overly creepy or awkward.
For example: Munch at 4pm-6pm and play party at 7pm-1am the 2nd Saturday of every month.
* A place
A restaurant, coffee or tea house, pub, pool hall or any public place with seating and a low level of noise that you can converse without yelling at each other.
Do not pick a family style or kid friendly eatery to have a munch.
Your guests are going to be talking about sex and kink, some louder than others.
People will hear things they say and if they have kids they will absolutely complain about it
the management of the eatery or venue.
Try places that have a separate back room away from the main public areas, or a pub / bar where kids are not allowed.
DO NOT have a munch in an unsafe area.
No matter how awesome the place is, if it's in a bad neighborhood, many people will not show up.
Make sure that the venue has well lit public parking close to the venue and be ready
to walk people to their cars if it doesn't.
If you live really far from where other people live, it may be you who needs to drive a ways to have a munch in a place
where people will go to.
Driving an hour to your own munch once a month is not too bad if it helps build a great munch.
If you have a couple people near you, maybe you can carpool.
I know a number of people who are willing and do drive an hour to get to their munch.
Of course I'm in Los Angeles, where driving a city block can take hour...lol
More than an hour and most will start to lose interest.
* Patience, determination and optimism.
It may take a while to get people to this munch.
Have a plan, bring a book, a deck of cards, a good game on your cell phone etc. in case people don't show up.
Usually if no one shows up for six months...then you know...it's not going to work.
But you have to know, it's going to take some work, so roll up your sleeves and get to it.
Now that you got your host, place and date, lets get into the munch!
Relationship with the venue
Do your best to build a good reputation at the place you are having the munch.
Be kind and courteous to your servers, make sure that you tell your guests to tip.
Always make sure you if you have the munch at a restaurant that it's a place that will allow
you to have separate checks for all individuals in your party, otherwise you will deal with the monthly
nightmare of math, guests that don't tip, guests that don't leave enough money to cover their bill or
get up and "forget" to pay at all and now YOU are stuck with that.
Nope...no way...been there done that...never again...separate checks for everyone.
Separate checks means that you can still maintain a good relationship with the servers and staff, even if
one of your guests fucks up.
There is no need to tell the managers of the restaurant what type of group you are, they will likely find out over time.
Your job is to make sure that your group does not make bad business for them.
Always casual at a public place.
Many of the people going to the munch will not be 24/7 lifestyles, so to walk into a public
place and hang out with a bunch of people wearing leather and fetish type clothing would drive them away
for fear of being "outed" by association.
The risk to their confidentiality is actually worse at a munch than a play party, because the play party
is behind closed doors, where as a public place is out in the open and vulnerable.
What if their boss, co-worker or mother walks into the restaurant?
You want everyone around them to look like everyday normal people.
Depending on the venue you use for the munch, many of those places would prefer if you
dressed casual as well.
Please make sure that you include your dress code rules into all of your publicity and promotion ads,
groups or postings.
Anyone who gets defensive about not being able to wear their BDSM gear to a public munch, does not really
understand what is at stake for people who have something to lose by being outed and thus, might not be the best person to have at the munch.
IF don't want a munch that caters to new people or people who don't want to be outed,
then just disclose in your promotion that their might be people at the
munch wearing BDSM attire so they can be risk aware before showing up.
Let your guests know that they are not obligated to use their real names or give ANY personal information
to ANYBODY including you.
They should have the right to do whatever they have to, to be comfortable attending the munch.
Also you can empower your new guests that it's ok not to answer questions about their, work school, sex life,
where they hang out etc.
If they don't want to. It is not considered rude, we understand.
Make sure that nobody takes pictures of other people at the munch without asking permission of everybody
in the picture or near the picture.
Angry ranting people SUCK at a munch
A poison to any group is the angry debater who loves to raise their voice and argue with people
about politics, religion and whatever is up their ass that day.
Oh, they are fun online where you can turn them off when you need to but
they are toxic to a group.
Especially with new people present.
If you have someone at the munch who does this often...get them to stop or leave.
People can yell and scream at each other at work or at home all day, but they
come to a munch or play party to explore their kink, have fun and experience positive
Why they are angry and butthurt is another whole story, but all you need to know is that these types
of haters don't change quickly.
After you warn them once, if they continue, get them away from the group.
That being said...this next point might start a debate. *sigh* It's not a perfect world. lol
Listen for bad advice to new people and intervene
"Does a submissive have to submit to everyone?"
Douchebag pretending to be experienced in BDSM:
"Yes...a true submissive obeys any person who calls themselves Dominant and should be
of service to any Dominant that asks...otherwise you are not a real submissive"
You to New person:
"Ummmmm...actually that's not really true. You only submit to who you CHOOSE to submit to.
Your submission has value and should be inspired by a Dominant because of their personality, intent and way they build
up and care for their submissive. Not just because they bought a leather vest and say they are Dominant"
If you hear someone telling someone you know to be new to the lifestyle something blatantly wrong,
unsafe or coercion based then speak up and disagree with the person giving bad advice.
Bad advice gets people hurt and or, makes them think they made a mistake by trying the BDSM lifestyle.
Just disagreeing with someone in a conversation shows the new person that their are different points of view
in the group which will inspire their critical thinking on the topic.
If no one says anything, then the new person might likely think that is what the whole group thinks.
You can't control everything everyone says at the munch, but if you here lame advice...speak up!
Kicking out problem people
Most of your guests will be respectful and great fun to be around.
On occasion you will have that one that is all about themselves or socially awkward.
They suck the life out of the room very quickly and you have to act quickly and decide
if the can remain part of your group.
Sometimes they can be pulled aside and educated and everything will be fine.
Sometimes...you gotta get them out of your group.
If they are consistently making the people at the munch uncomfortable by their actions
or creepy behavior...it's either they go, or the other people at the munch will go.
The good news is you are in a public place that has a staff and management.
If you have someone that needs to be kicked out, you can ask them to leave, and if they
won't you can go to the management of the place and ask them to help you.
Social media groups both kink and non-kink.
Meet up type group sites that let you form your own group to promote your munch.
Word of mouth
Create a post that talks about the munch you want to have and clearly states all the rules of your munch
in the hopes that they will read and understand.
NOTE: Not a bad idea to keep a copy of the post you made so if anyone argues with your rules you can
show them that you were upfront about your expectations of their behavior.
The quick list of rules for your munch to send out
Elaborate as much as you feel you need to.
* Dress Casual
* No play, spanking demos, rope ties etc.
* When talking about sex or play, keep your voices down
* No arguing or aggressive debates
* Pay your bill and remember to tip so we can keep our place
* Be respectful.
* If someone doesn't want to talk to you they don't have to.
* No play or sex in the establishment parking lot
* Have fun
* Don't be a douche wad
Build a group email blast
Once some one gives you their email they feel comfortable with, you can put them on a monthly announcement.
Do not abuse someone's email by sending too many group emails.
Once a month is great.
Contact people individually or have someone on your team do it, to check in with those who have attended the munch.
ok...there...now you know the ins and outs of a munch.
If you have any questions or comments please contact us and we will do our best to help.
We will be constantly updating this guide as more good information comes to light.
We want you to win...for you and for the new potential community you are going to create!
love and unicorn farts!
Boogie and Perverted Podcast
Perverted Podcast Community building that YOU CAN do!